Moving Out.

I did it. I moved out of my parents’ house. The trouble is, I am currently jobless and have put an entire state between me and my family. Everything is still too fresh to definitively determine whether or not it was the biggest mistake of my life, but now is the time to crack down, search for “real” jobs and trust the process even though it’s so, so difficult.

But I thought now would be an interesting time to write about this experience. I haven’t even been in Minneapolis for a week, so I feel as though I should be writing about it when everything is still fresh and I’m trying not to be so introspective about everything.

Things I don’t like about my new life:

  1. Job searching.
  2. Boxelder bugs.
  3. Distance from my family.
  4. A smaller bed.
  5. Paying rent (though mine is low).

Things I’m excited for about my new life:

  1. More opportunity.
  2. More independence.
  3. More places to explore.
  4. I’m close to my friends.
  5. Artistic outlets.

While it was very difficult for me to leave my home and my family and friends who live there, while I cried on and off for the whole week leading up to my departure, I knew that these pros definitely outweighed the cons. After all, I’d been wanted to move back here for months and months, and finally I did it. I may feel uprooted and lost, but I no longer feel stuck and that’s something to celebrate, even though I might forget to sometimes.

Omaha will always be my home. And it’s nice to know that there will always be loving people to greet me whenever I return. It’s frustrating to feel homesick wherever you go — to be in the exact place you’ve always wanted to be but still feel as though something is missing. It’s both a blessing and a curse, and something I cannot change.

And speaking of other things that have not changed: I’ve been spending my time reading and writing and drinking coffee and not exercising as much as I should; all of these activities I can do from anywhere in the world. These little rituals are my home away from home, wherever “away” is at the moment.

I’m floating now and it’s uncomfortable, but I know it’s for the best and I’m excited for what is to come.

(Beware of cheesy sentiments ahead.)

It’s difficult to not see change as permanent, to see every decision as life-altering and personally defining. You have to be in charge of your own life. You can make decisions and unmake them. You just have to listen, to always pay attention. Assess and reassess your life. Check in. I want this time to be different from before. I want to say yes to more things, to try out new ways to invest my time, to meet new people and see new places, and to think about my future in a way that excites me, not scares me.

So I took the first step.

 

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