Saying things when I don’t really have anything to say.

That’s pretty much blogging in a nutshell, right?

Well, some people might take offense to that. But sometimes that’s what blogging feels like to me. There were a few months there when I was really struggling to come up with anything to blog about, because I wasn’t doing anything but working long hours and my life was extremely boring and I was never feeling very inspired.

Maybe it’s this Fall rebirth I’m going through (now I have to get the image of my ginger head crowning from a huge pile of leaves — also, sorry for now putting that image into your head, too), but I’ve been writing a lot lately. Not necessarily anything of importance (in most cases, nothing of importance), but it feels good. It’s difficult not to worry how something will be received — will people like it, comment, follow, etc. — sometimes it feels like prison.

Blogging has started to feel too much like small talk, a pastime I have never enjoyed. No one participates in small talk out of enjoyment, let’s be real. It’s too filtered, too safe – and mostly it makes my skin crawl. We participate in it out of necessity — it is something to “get out of the way” in order to reach the really weird shit underneath. But what if we could just skip the gross tiny correspondence (I needed another word for small talk) and get right to the gritty and strange abnormality bubbling just under the surface of every single one of us? Let me run my mouth or let me say nothing at all!

In order to avoid a small talk blog, it takes a certain kind of stamina. I can’t just wait until inspiration hits because apparently there are very few times in my life when I feel I have something important to say. But (I’ve been told) rare, sporadic posts don’t make for good bloggin’ (and neither does grammar like that, but whenever I try to give advice, even just to myself, I can’t take myself seriously and resort to weird accents).

So maybe being a true writer requires saying things even when you don’t have anything to say — but taking it further and saying things that are at least interesting, even if they are meaningless. Because honestly,  once they’re out in the world, your words are not your words anymore — they’re the readers’ words. And the readers can assign whatever meaning they want to those words and you can’t do anything about it.

It’s like high-stakes small talk. Only, . . . better? . . . Or worse?

I don’t know — what was the reason for this post again?

On an unrelated note — is writing about blogging on my blog too meta? (What does meta even mean exactly?)

I think I’m slowly quite rapidly going crazy.

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