This is a desperate cry for help.
I wake up earlier now. I wake up earlier because I have to put on makeup. I have to put on makeup because all of the sudden I notice my skin’s redness, how sparse my eyebrows are, that my eyelashes are too light to be seen. I used to wear no makeup at all, pull my hair back into a greasy ponytail, and head out the door. These things never used to bother me.
That is, until I watched my first makeup video.
I used to be as frugal as they come. I didn’t stretch my dollar – I saved my dollar and refused to ever spend it. I kept a jar of change in my room, taking just enough money out of it to go get ice cream with friends. I still shop at stores like Goodwill and Thrift World when I need new clothes because I can get at least five things for $30 instead of one. I wear my clothes for years until they are pilling, stained in the pits, and falling apart. I shamelessly take up my friends’ offers to buy me drinks when we’re out. I was as cheap as they come.
But then I started watching all these beauty vloggers. Was it Ingrid Nilsen who started it all? Or was Zoella to blame? Perhaps it was grav3yardgirl or Michele Phan. I didn’t even really like them. Their voices annoy me and I can’t even begin to describe how uncomfortable I feel at the beginning of every video when they do weird poses and bat their eyelashes to rave music while the camera proceeds to do a bunch of crash zooms for sometimes more than a minute.
Regardless, I was hooked. Can I just pause to say how relaxing it is to watch someone do their makeup? It is so relaxing, in fact, that all of the sudden, you want to do your own makeup, too. After all this talk about this product and that product, I wanted those products.
I was still pretty cheap at first – only getting drugstore this and that – refusing to spend more than $10 on anything. But soon enough I noticed how much I had changed. My first stop at Target or Walgreens was always the makeup aisle, even though I went there for a new shower curtain or more shampoo. Soon after I couldn’t fit my makeup in my little bag anymore – I had to ask for a bigger one for Christmas. One day I counted my lipsticks and I had over 20 of them. The saddest part about this was that most of them were a similar color. I signed up for a goddamn Ulta Rewards Card. I get a point for every dollar I spend. They send me emails. And I read them. And while I’ve so far resisted such things as Ipsy and Boxycharm, I can’t deny that I’ve looked into them. What is happening to me?
But I’m ashamed to say it got worse. One day, I cracked. I spent $70 at Ulta in one day. Guess how many things I got.
I got two things. For $70.
Dear god, what kind of monster am I?!?
I started thinking, what else could I buy with $70? So much stuff! A cheap plane ticket. A Kindle. Three and a half 1.75 bottles of Skyy Vodka. Enough books and movies to keep me occupied for years. Enough home decor to decorate my whole house and a friend’s. The list goes on and on. Some people would kill to have that kind of money. But what did I spend it on? CC cream and an eyeshadow palette.
Do I dare say it gets worse still?
I want more. You see, the real kicker is skincare. Apparently once you’re my age (even though I’m only 23 and have so much life ahead of me I hope), your skin starts to lose its elasticity. I’m no dermatologist, so don’t quote my skin facts, but I guess it has something to do with how your skin starts to get thinner and produce less collagen as you age. I already have pretty deep wrinkles in my forehead – most likely because I can’t just smile in a picture, but have to make some stupid face instead and/or because I’ve done theater for so long and therefore my facial expressions are out of control. So I’m thinking skincare. And when it comes to wrinkle-reducing, skin-firming and plumpifying, overall beautifying your skin, you’ve got to get the good stuff. That’s what beauty bloggers tell me anyway.
I have a list. Each item on this list is between $40-80. Each. And I know that as soon as I start buying these things I’m going to regret it because there’s no going back. I know I’m going to like them. I know that once I use them I am not going to want to use anything else. Hundreds of dollars. I will spend hundreds of dollars every year just to make my skin feel a little bit different than it already does. Because I need it. Because a beauty vlogger told me I need it.
Seriously. They’re ruining my life.